Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up a whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' or 'how very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love. I hate love. -Neil Gaiman
"Romantic love is one of the most addictive substances on earth." ...powerful talk on this impossible subject. Happy Valentines!
Cheers to that person you were thinking about while watching this talk!!
I got dumped from my boyfriend of 6 years. His reason? "I'm not ready for this" and "you love me too much". This was about a year ago. I've been dating a guy for about 6 months now and he just dumped me too, his reason being "he has too much on his plate." I'll make it you guys, and so will you. Even with severe depression and 3 types of anxiety disorders, I've made it. And so will you.
wow.... I survived stage IV metastatic cancer, under the terrible strain of dealing what we were told was a terminal illness for such a long period of time, we broke up. I instantly shifted from continuously focusing on cancer to an obsession with "getting back together." When faced w/ my own mortality & a broken heart I focused almost entirely on my broken heart and it wasn't a choice, it was instinctive & powerful beyond description. I often wonder if that actually contributed to my survival.
Yep! I was TOTALLY in love with my boyfriend of 8 years. That break up was the worst pain ever! But he did not love me, so I just could not stay with him any more. The pain of staying was as bad as the pain of leaving. Both pain is horrible- I did not have him either way. So best to move on and at least try to find a partner where love is reciprocated. 💗💗
My grandparents were married for 50 years. My grandpa died 20 years ago. My grandma now 93 has moderate dementia and sometimes doesn't know me, but she knew and repeated for months that for her birthday she wanted to get on a plane and go see her husband's grave. We went earlier this year and she said "This is all I've ever wanted. How did you know?"
“Fire runs through my body with the pain of loving you. Pain runs through my body with the fires of my love for you. Pain like a boil about to burst with my love for you. Consumed by fire of my love for you. I remember what you said to me, I am thinking of your love for me. I am torn by your love for me. Pain and more pain. Where are you going with my love? I'm told you will go from here. I'm told you will leave me here. My body is numb with grief. Remember what I said My Love Goodbye My Love, goodbye.”
I’m just now realizing, I’m not alone. There are other people going through a heartbreak and have been through one and they are okay so I know for sure I will be okay😇
Bravo, Dr. Helen Fisher! Thank you for sharing your work and wisdom with the world. Goodbye and rest in eternal peace.
she makes science sound so romantic
I love Helen Fisher's work. It's insightful, thoughtful, and supported by sound scientific studies.
Somebody's camping in my head...great great talk
"all bad poetry is sincere" -oscar wilde
All those quotes in the beginning of Dr Fisher's speech really show us that love = pain. It's just biological that an obsession so strong leads to so much pain and grief. I'm still trying to find that sweet spot of deciding to "settle down" with the one. It was so easy for my parents to make that decision. They had an arranged marriage and just knew they wanted no one else. Why is it so difficult for me, with all the freedom of choice in the world, to get there?
Rest in Peace to a beautiful mind, thank you for your finding and dedications to how humans work and love.🕊♥
I thin understanding each other is really the hardest challenge. When we are first in love, we discard everything else and think everything would be fine as long as there is love. But the worst pain in the end is when you found out after a few years being together, your partner knows just so little about you and never try to know more.
Just came to this video from pthe WIRED one... This lady has all my attention now. Please be my teacher
The comments are so powerful and raw on here guys...very nice...makes you feel alive doesn’t it.
@evilchildatb